Wide_Loads

(This is an alt for Hoots_Groce_Stash - heed the warnings that lie there before reading on - yes I'm gross I know)

Jesse Humboldt is part of the cream of the crop when it comes to food critics. Not because of any high standards, and not because of any extensive and detailed judgments - both of which he specifically strays away from - but because of just how much he can eat.

Thanks to his practically bottomless stomach, he can make succinct reviews even people who don't know the first thing about the culinary arts can understand in astounding numbers.

He's not one-note, either. In any downtime he gets, he makes sure to prod around to get a taste of the locals that made any dish that he comes to review. It's not everyday a food critic gives some context on the dish they're reviewing - nor is it everyday they review the person that made it (or anyone around them) either...~

Making an income off of eating an absolute fuckton every single day does have it's effects. Nearly every toilet he uses clogs or breaks, and that's only when he eats light. When he gets to go through a restaurant's menu...the janitors tell the tale for years. Mind; he's gone through several in one day more than once before.

His digestive system is also never quiet. It doesn't even take getting close to know his guts are hard at work on all the grub he stuffed them with - and it takes even less to know they're just about finished with it. Some of his friends call him "a bomb with no fuse", since he might as well be going off all the time with that gas~

Jesse's bowels may be foul, but he certainly isn't. In public, he's the farthest from it, certainly showing the big heart in the big eater. In more private settings...well, he's a bit more fast and loose. Of course, the opportunity to loosen up helps~

Overall, Jesse's a peach with a peach that'll certainly linger in your mind...for many reasons~